Cycling - The Racing Post

Cycle Logic - The Secret Lives of Cyclists

By Diana North

I’ve noticed when I look through my neighbor’s windows while walking at night I see dining sets and bookcases and armoires. Through our dining room window passersby see a dusty table pushed up to the dustier china cabinet to make room for the room’s focal point—a giant bike rack. This means that every Thanksgiving we get to decide whether to move the bikes or eat with them in the room. Being a practical person I’ve decided the candlelight bouncing off my Mavic rims enhances the ambiance. I realize this makes us just a little bit different than most folks. And furniture arrangements are just one small part of the secret lives of cyclists.

How does a grown woman explain to her girlfriends that, no, she can’t go shoe shopping today because she has a century to train for? And that manicures would only be a waste of time, since nail polish doesn’t hold up well to bike degreaser and lube. How to get the hubby to understand that carpet stains from bike grease don’t look so bad if you dim the lights and watch the reflections bounce off that nice, clean carbon-fiber frame? What does my neighbor mean the trainer takes up too much space in my living room? How dare my financial adviser say that taking money from my retirement account to buy a new wheel set is not a wise way to invest for my future? Somehow I don’t think anyone outside my cycling circle grapples with these particular questions.

Other people have DVD movie collections. We have the Tour Library. Other people have coffee table books with pretty trees, flowers, photographs and decorating ideas. We have cycling magazines, cycling books and cycling catalogs. We have cycling décor over the fireplace—a wrought iron miniature bicycle, which is just what we need to complement the bicycles elsewhere in and around the house. Other people have wardrobes for work and recreation. Our closets house jerseys, shelves of helmets and shoes and large bins of bike shorts of all lengths, brands and states of wear. Street clothes are squished in amongst it all. I now have a business card holder on my desk that is two miniature road bikes made of pewter with a space in between. It was a gift from my adopted cycling sister who knows better than to buy me anything not bike related.

The secret lives of cyclists follow them into vehicles, as well. While other families drive around with neat little Kleenex boxes and cases full of the latest CDs in their cars, our vehicles have lubricant lines on the floor mats, a floor pump and boxes of spare tubes strewn around. Our car bumper has scratches rubbed into it by wind-spun wheels and chain rings. The SUV we bought came with back seats, but heck if I remember what they look like. The little two-seater sports car of my dreams has been officially shelved, solely because it lacks space to haul bikes.

While we’re not the only family to have no room for cars in our garage, I know we’re the only ones on our street hoarding a small bike shop’s worth of bikes and bike stuff that leaves little room for normal junk. I’ve seen neighbors mowing their lawn stop to stare when I wheel my bike in the front door of the house. I just know they’re discussing it over the privacy fence as soon as I go inside. And no one else I know runs a secret foster home for bikes meant for the garbage truck rescued from neighborhood curbs. Can we not “just say no” to homeless bicycles?

The social life of a cyclist is rife with secret agendas. Since all the cyclists I know ride weekends, all Friday and Saturday night celebrations, dates, drinking binges and other social gatherings must be managed accordingly. A dedicated cyclist knows how to balance revelry with ride preparation. For instance, a little beer equals a few carbs and a lot of beer equals more carbs. But too much beer means possible dehydration and/or riding with a hangover. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule say my friends who rode RAGBRAI this year. Still, staying up late can wreak havoc with early morning ride starts. My best cycling girlfriend tells her dates that she turns into a pumpkin after 10 p.m. She dismisses hangers-on with ease, because in my opinion, the woman is wise and has her priorities in order.

Another secret ritual of the cyclist is the afternoon nap. What not so long ago was considered the realm of the old or sick is something cyclists treasure but seldom discuss. This means they will skip mowing the yard to take a bike ride, return home to drag through minimal chores, shower and then nap—often creating ill will from family members. Sometimes naps happen while the voices of Liggett and Sherwin fill the room. But you won’t hear plans for a nap discussed in the pace line. At least not spoken above a whisper.

While other people plan their retirement around family, friends and golf courses, hubby and I are focused on finding the best places for cycling. Any and all discussions of where we’ll live when we’re finally ready to give up our jobs and just ride, center on things like weather, road conditions, population size, bike routes, terrain, bike shops and cycling groups. We’ve decided that if family and friends want us nearby, they’ll buy bikes and ride with us. Because that’s another secret cyclists share—they have no intention of giving up riding bikes. Ever.