Cycling - The Racing Post

Cycle Logic - Habits and Habitats of the Cyclist

By Diana North

For the ordinary citizen, learning to identify, understand and appreciate that unique breed of human being known as a cyclist may seem like the proverbial one-way street. Yet cyclists, biologically programmed to certain behaviors, can be a source of endless amusement as well as fodder for gossip around the water cooler. Cyclists are some of the friendliest, most genuine and helpful people around. For instance, the average person out riding a bike who stops to change a flat can expect cyclists riding by to at least ask if they’re okay. Spare tubes and expert assistance might be offered. If a vehicle pulls over to help, the driver is probably a cyclist too. While every cyclist is unique, most of them share the same habits and dispositions. Although in their natural habitat (paved roads or dirt), they exhibit their natural tendencies to compete; some are also known to be altruistic to the point of graciousness. And with a little understanding and patience, having a cyclist in your life can be a real adventure.

Known to run in packs called “pelatons,” cyclists are fond of formations that enable them to achieve speeds not possible when traversing alone. Some formations are quite sophisticated, such as the echelon, the single, double and rotating pace lines. To the untrained eye, they may look confusing or comical but they do require practice to pull off with even a modicum of grace. To the cyclist, they are serious business. Failure to follow pace line etiquette can result in lectures, reprimands, shouts (that may or may not include profanity) and the dreaded ‘funny looks.’ Then there are the loner cyclists who prefer to ride solo. They share a fondness for inward journeys to peace, serenity and time away from their phones. Most cyclists can adapt to both solo and group rides with ease if necessary, which is a testament to their versatility.

Cyclists, often a creative lot, are partial to colorful attire. Known to wear day-glo orange with teal blue and garish green, they often sport tans on the lower portions of their extremities. Strange patterns may appear on the backs of their hands in sunny weather. White feet end abruptly at the sock line and there may be dark wax-based lubricant lines with squiggles on their inner right calves. Scarring of elbows, knees and shoulders indicate addiction to high speeds on racecourses known as “crits.” Road races and off-road events also cause their share of skin reconfigurations believed by cyclists, and only by cyclists, to improve overall appearance. Bike-related jewelry or plastic yellow bracelets are sometimes worn but these can lead to confusion since anyone can purchase and wear these cycling accoutrements comparable to religious relics. Other signs of serious addiction include incessant Tour de France reruns on their home television sets, bicycles stored in the bedroom, visible bicycle tattoos and the inability to carry on a conversation that is not related to cycling.

Strange food combinations are another testament to cyclist creativity. Packets of gooey goop made of sugar and flavorings with strange names like Orange Zing and Apple Wince tucked away in pockets are a sure sign of a human on cycling. Canisters of unsavory powders will surely line a shelf in the kitchen between plastic bottles of Gatorade. There is at least one cupboard that, when opened, lets 25 water bottles tumble out. There are the carbo-loading dinners and carefully considered pre-ride snacks that grant cyclists special powers like extra speed, endless endurance and maybe even protection from the dreaded bonk-monster. Much eating is justified, at least in the mind of a cyclist, by the fact that they rode, are going to ride or have had at least one thought about riding sometime that day. Therefore, entire cartons of Blue Bell ice cream may be consumed with a sense of entitlement.

Cyclists kept indoors and/or inactive for even short periods of time will become irritable. They may pace, fidget, be unable to sit still or act out. They might watch endless reruns of televised cycling events. They may also spend entire weekends napping instead of catching up on the to-do list that accumulated while they were out racking up all those miles. Many become obsessed with catalog ordering. Bicycle mail-order companies know this and purposely offer great deals on all kinds of cyclist and bike paraphernalia like ear, arm, leg, toe, hand and head warmers, along with the newest bike parts. Crabby cyclists will want new stuff because it makes them feel better although they don’t always know why.

There are two ways to cure inactive-cyclist crankiness. One is to get them moving. The second is to ignore them and hope for better weather. For those who opt for the moving scenario, there is an instrument of torture otherwise known as “the trainer.” Trainers are contraptions that a cyclist attaches to his or her bike to so it can be ridden indoors; in one place and without going anywhere. This can cause the people a cyclist lives with to roll their eyes, complain about sweat puddles or use the offending cyclist as a moving clothesline for wet towels. Some cyclists on trainers watch cycling videos, or Tour re-runs while they peddle to nowhere. Some read books, I suppose, and sweat all over their copy of “It’s Not About the Bike.” Some people listen to music in a desperate attempt to distract themselves from the sheer agony of pedaling for absolutely no reason whatsoever except to get overheated and exhausted. The stated goal of trainer riding may be to smooth out a pedal stroke, improve cadence or maintain conditioning. The list of excuses for not getting on the trainer is endless and the cyclist has them memorized. But there is hope.

With care and patience, cyclists can be coaxed to attend holiday parties where they will eat too much. Shopping sounds more tempting if it starts at the local bike shop and ends near a carton of Blue Bell ice cream. At home, T.V. channels can be changed while certain people are napping. Trainers make great conversation starters when neighbors drop by. To-do lists stapled to cycling catalogs are more likely to get noticed. And spin classes at the local gym are a great place to drop off anyone who gets too surly.