Cycling - The Racing Post

Cycle Logic - 26 Signs of Cycling Addition

By Diana North
1-Aug-2010

Let's face it, people don't wake up one morning and decide to let cycling take over their lives. For one thing, not everyone can afford it - the time, energy and dollars required to lead the lifestyle and buy the toys is considerable. Anyone bitten with the cycling bug knows the insanity of spending thousands on a bicycle and the accompanying accoutrements. Not to mention the hours in the saddle that means to-do lists languish and unafflicted friends and family wonder if they've turned into Mr. or Ms. Mono Maniacal.

As if those are bad things.

Still, for those who still aren't sure if the tooling around the neighborhood craving has turned into full-fledged cycling addiction, here are 26 questions to consider.

If you find yourself answering "yes" to more than half of them, give yourself two points for each answer but only if you have time between rides, meals and sleeping. Total points should be added to your training log book in the mileage column. Or not.

Do you ever fantasize, out loud and in public, that you are a future Tour de France contender?
Have you seriously considered building a second bike room addition to your home?
Does the latest helmet line make you salivate?
Are your children named Lance, Fausto, Eddy or Marco?
Do you frequently stop random strangers to show them your freshest road rash?
Do you only wear your jerseys with their matching-brand-and-color socks?
Do you own a bike for each day of the week and do you wear color-coordinated kit to match them?
Are you saving all your old bike shorts to wear as Depends when you turn 90?
Do you post each day's Power Tap stats on Facebook and Twitter?
Do you spend more money energy bars and powdered drink mixes than you do for food?
Are there more than three bike-related tattoos on your body?
Have you ever tried to unclip while getting out of bed or off the toilet?
Does your idea of a romantic evening include wearing compression garments to read your mileage log while impersonating Phil Liggett?
Do you check wind direction every time you walk outside?
Have you planned all your vacations around organized rides or races?
Have you given names to each of your bikes and do you murmur them seductively in your sleep?
Do family members know you plan to be buried with your bike?
Do people leaving messages on your voicemail start with "I know you're on your bike right now, but ... ?"
Can you remember the last time you had breakfast in a restaurant on a weekend morning when it wasn't raining or minus-10 degrees?
Does your credit card statement look like a phone book list of bike shops and cycling catalogs?
Does your spouse introduce you as "bike snob?"
Are the most prevalent fabrics in your wardrobe Lycra, Spandex and Coolmax?
Can you recite your life history of bike ownership, including components, wheel sets, handlebar brand, geometry, frame size and material, year of purchase and goals attained in the saddle - in order - and does it take more than an hour?
Do you have trouble remembering the last time you used a Kleenex or hankie to blow your nose?
Have you ever called in sick to work so you could ride your new bike?
If a mugger held a loaded gun to your head and said "your ride or your life" would you have to think about it and get back to him?

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, but I don't believe it. I prefer the "ignore it and it will go away" approach because it requires less time than addiction recovery plans, which usually fail anyway. So, I'll save you the time and tell you that if you responded "yes" to any, or even all, of these questions - there is nothing wrong with you that a few more bike rides can't cure.